Broken

The small intestine.

Image via Wikipedia

For approximately ten years, maybe a little more, I’ve had undiagnosed lower quadrant ‘gut pain’. The very first time I experienced it, it sent me to the ER. The positioning and type of pain seriously had me believing I had appendicitis. It was not. I had no fever. My white blood cell count was normal and the CT scan they did showed a perfectly normal looking appendix. What it did show was an inflamed ileum.

The gastroenterologist the surgeon called to look at me (since the surgeon did not want to perform surgery on me unless 100% necessary) admitted me to the hospital and pumped me full of enough antibiotics to cure a small third world country of syphilis. The pain went away but the cause for it was never found.

A few months later, I had the same pain. Went to get it scanned. This time the ileum was not inflamed. Neither was my appendix. The solution? Pain medication (which did not work but made me care less I was hurting) and steroids. Joy of joys. If you’ve never had to be on prednisone, you don’t understand what a joy this crap is. And by joy I mean hell.

Because of this weird, undiagnosable pain, I had my first colonoscopy before I was 35. The results were nothing out of the ordinary. I did have a polyp that was removed, but it was not the cause of my pain. A second colonoscopy a few years later yielded the same ‘no answer’ results.

I’ve been poked. I’ve been prodded. Changing my diet seemed to help a little. Since going fairly strictly low carb, the pain has improved. It’s not quite so often, but I still get it. When I do get it, it’s awful. The pain nearly doubles me over.

I don’t know what to do. On days like today, when the pain strikes out of nowhere, all I want to do is curl up and cry. I have, in fact, cried a lot today. It REALLY hurts. It’s a sharp, stabbing pain that also throbs. It also just exhausts me. I got a full night’s sleep and already feel like I haven’t slept a single minute. ¬†Add that to the frustration of not having lost a single pound in three months, in spite of doing everything ‘right’ and following all the ‘rules’, and I’m feeling more than a little broken today.